Build my life

Success

• TODO

• reference
• [Success](https://www.coursera.org/learn/wharton-success/home/week/1)
• [Leading the Life You Want](https://www.coursera.org/learn/leading-the-life-you-want/home/week/1)
• [Influence](https://www.coursera.org/learn/wharton-influence?specialization=wharton-success)

build my habits from <Atomic Habits>

• being driven by noble purposes

• mental/emotional fitness
• being relax, happy, kind
• being clear-minded, calm, smart

Goal: a pleasure of life - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved

• create life vision
• get into better shape -> energy and health

+ cooking/food

+ swimming/ tennis

• build a successful business -> influence

+ wealthy

• relax more and worry less

+ freedom, happy

• spend more time with family and friends

+ happy, freedom

• identify required habits
• develop habits one day at a time

# Build myself - healthy, free, wealthy, and loved

• > always be kind to yourself

- treat yourself as your dear friend, with kindness and patience

• > you only can "Make" yourself, not "Found" youself

- keep learning, thinking & risking

• > Ready is an illusion. No one is ever ready.

- We just get less unprepared. Never prepared.

- Fake it and then make it

• > start with your vision and deal with reality

- not what is possible and then decide what result you want to create

• > keep healthy and fit

- avoid injuries

- keep rest

- exercise

• > build a clear & calm & peace of mind
• know your own mind - how your mind works

+ need insight into your own thinking process

+ write the diary

+ don't shrink from challenges which could provide growth

• be true to your deepest and most profoundly felt emotions

+ those of a spiritual nature

+ not the surface level emotions of fleeting hormones

+ ground yourself in wisdom, self-honesty, principles and discipline

• attain peace with your mind - self awareness

+ their mind is humble servant and not a terrible master

+ the less judgemental you are,

• how your mind works, and how to attain peace

+ Mere observing, rather than making conclusions of the situation

• a few basic emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation

• happiness is about peace, all you want is privacy, not to be famouss

• growth happens in the places you're scared to go

# Build love and families

• kind, cheerful, understanding, graceful, independent

# Build relationships

• close friends, value quantitys more than quality
• they know who you are, not what you are
• get around like minded positive people
• form trustworthy, deep bonds, fewer the better

• social relationships

Notes on strategies or choices

# learn about yourself

• time and peace of mind are the most expensive mode of payment

• self-growth
• 模仿比聪明和努力更重要

+ 交流进而产生对比,对比自然分出高低; 低的自然模仿高的

- 交流进而模仿, 而不是自己进化

+ 跟不同的人社交, 老师越多越好

- 要找不同的老师, 模仿对象越多越好, 这样才可能青出于蓝

+ 要想和优秀的人在一起, 懂他真实的快乐, 懂他真实的痛苦,并且 给予他能量

• just being yourself is the biggest favor you can do to yourself
• people may or maynot help you depending if you are falling in their story line
• they first like you and then to feel good they help you
• people help you because they like you, people don't help you because you are smart
• forget about sounding smart, just be yourself

• learn about yourself and grow by put yourself into unfamiliar situations
• see how you respond to them to adapt
• travellings can put you in lots of novel situations to accelerate growth

• expressing yourself is more important than impressing others.
• one must not seek recognition from others
• don't worry about impressing others, no one will even remember

+ people remember the impact you have one them. Impression is ephemeral

• focus on people who share your values right from the beginning , not everyone

• how to morality
• help people when you can
• mind your business
• don't gossip, backstab, break your word, betray
• prey on or look for ways to hurt people

• If you want to help the poor, get rich
• TODO

# Build love and families

• 尊重和确认的力量 - 对伴侣观点的关心和尊重
• 行为描述

+ 在精确表述上表现很糟糕, 如果抱怨某事,同时谈及几个问题

+ 彼此倾听方面表现糟糕, 很少耐心自习思索伴侣所说的话

+ 尽可能清楚明白, 详细具体地指出惹恼我们的特定行为, 应该专指某一特定事件, 不涉及普遍性

- 用第一人称明确说明自己的感受 “当你在x情景下做x的时候,我感到z”

+ 复述和向对方检验自己的知觉, 积极主动地努力理解自己的伴侣

• Never let resentment set in
• resolve things quickly
• cultivate a culture of honest & loyalty
• appreciate and gratitude her

# Strategies on relationships

• be open-minded
• you're curious about how things work, why people think what they think, and are willing to listen
• it doesn't mean you have to accept or tolerate anything you don't agree with

• > Don't show kindness to people who want to destroy you

- your kindness will be forgotten and they will not do the same for you

- don't be kind towards harmful personss

• don't waste time explaining yourself to people who don't like you

• focus on people who can take care of themselves
• the secret of effortless relationships

• only real friends want you to be happy, or end it.
• a friend is the one that crafts you for a better person, not a worse one

• don't disagree unless you have to, and agree when you can

HOW to communicate well

• stragegy
• Always give before you take

+ soften the ground, take the bit out of a future request, or simply create a distraction

+ like an actual gift, a generous act, a kind favor, an "honest" adminssion

• 做人有底线就够了, 不要追求风骨, 身段, 没有用处
• 一个人不断进步的结果是遇到越来越精彩和优秀的人，你知道他／她真的很优秀，从外在到内心

• 如果你想要说服别人，要诉诸利益，而非诉诸理性

• > 工作中的沟通 - 沟通是为了让进度顺利推行, 更容易做事

- 对上 -> 取得信任与默契

+ 先听懂对方说的话, 别急着表现自己的立场与想法

+ 培养彼此默契, 了解双方的差异

+ 懂得询问公司的目标与主观的想法, 再加入适当的个人建议,并再次询问主管对你提出的意见有何想法

- 让主管明白你不只是听懂他的话, 而且还能抓到重点, 并且顾及不同层面并提出适当建议

+ 循序渐进地让主管慢慢和你站在同一阵线

- 对下

+ 交代工作清楚, 确保对方明白 -> 该做的准备, 以及应达成的任务

+ 也要让对方有发表意见的反馈机会 -> 让工作朝彼此目标共同前进, 还能理解他人的想法

- 同事 - 尊重

+ 沟通 - 站在对方的立场思考, 这样容易达成共识

• 商业伙伴的沟通
• 学会尊重商业伙伴和博弈对手

+ 改掉那种沾别人点便宜就觉得别人傻的恶习, 否则, 路越走越窄

+ 别人一时不在乎并不意味着别人傻

• 他们比你聪明的多

• > win-win

+ 求同存异 - 共赢 + 不失原则的妥协

- 共同的，不同的和处于中间带的观点

+ 风险共担, 利益共享的模式

+ 该讲法律的地方不要强调道德

• 沟通的关键是找出差异与共同点； 信任是 了解对方的核心诉求，极力维持

+ 不是让对方全盘接受, 而是找出彼此的差异与共同点

+ 协调出大家可以相互配合,折中的方式

• 社交能力
• > 知道怎么站在别人的角度思考问题

+ 尝试理解对方的需求；人际关系的本质是 了解和应对别人的需求

+ 外交的艺术就是把你的愿望变成别人的愿望

• > 演技/掩饰 - 改变口音

+ 没有信心时， 佯装自信

+ 一旦获得成功，假装害羞和自我怀疑，以免引发他人妒恨

• 有一个高质量的朋友圈（价值观一致，有一些相同的爱好，在一起说话，最好有趣一些）

How to be healthy and be in clear&calm mind

• peaceful of minded
• meditation
• diary

• experience
• nature
• exercise
• chatting

• build a clear & calm & peace of mind

reference

• [Atomic Habits](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40121378-atomic-habits) by James Clear