!About self-actualization and self-reflections

Improve your 外在/personality

• TODO
• 机敏 - 情绪觉察力

• more outgoing

• 積極主動

lessons and skills

• skills
• 自我的自主性是第一
• 人生苦短，尽量消解不确定性，把生活主动权掌握在自己手上
• 不要去做螺丝钉
• 有一个自主性的意识在，对这个事情有基本判断；

从现实出发，试试看； 否则全部都是别人给你设的，怎么样去满足别人的要求，那会很痛苦

• 你的存在是先的，然后去不去做 只是一个选择，结果也是多样的
• 不断突破并改写自己的叙事框架，才可以获得这一层次的自由
• 否则 社会或他人潜移默化的规训

• Being brave doesn't mean you aren't scared
• Being brave means you are scared and you do the right thing anyway

• 处事方式比你圆滑
• 真诚 or ?
• 以对方喜欢的方式 对待对方
• 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作
• 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板

• 选择策略
• 有时说出自己的观点和看法是尊重他人学识的表现；有时隐藏自己的观点和看法可以避免不必要的争端
• 如果你说出某个争端，试着将气氛缓和下来；可以将自己观点表述出来，听听他们如何争辩； “你觉得呢？”
• 有时争论过无数次，都没结果，可以不必提起这个话题

• 内省及由此而获得的自我认识
• 能想清楚自己为什么要做某件事情，是一种有普遍价值的生活技能
• 当你迷失或虚伪时，人们一眼就可以看出来；当你开放和自信时，人们会欣赏

• 至少要与经常见面但不喜欢的人有至少一些接触
• 如“今天过得怎么样？”， 至少会让对方觉得你在努力

• 从具体的问题看，从周边非常具体地看生活
• 我们只能懂小的东西，也不懂大的东西
• 用大的象征符号说话是很容易的，因为它不用去处理那些丰富的，细致的，互相矛盾的材料
• 当你被那些宏大的东西绝对化之后，小的东西不仅被忽视，而且觉得小的东西不应该存在

• 做好可控的因素， 对不可控的因素 担心也没用
• 减少内耗
• In comes from within
• focus on yourself and not the world
• fight the battles inside you first and then watch the world change around you

• “空” - 禪宗
• 我的心超越这一切，孤寂而自由
• 无论外界怎么变迁，我只是随时应变，但我的心不会随之而迁流
• 宋明的新儒家 和 禅宗 是有一条秘密通道的， 而薛宝钗就位于这条秘密通道上
• 一扇大门的存在， 她对世界保持着一种疏离感；

在大门之内，她的生命依旧向着阳光怒放

• 宝钗虽然拥有超越而从容的力量，但代价就是寂寞

• Fairness - 好好做自己
• Fairness means treating people according to their needs
• explore the differences and develop them into talents.

This development can still be considered fair, even though it isn't equal

• Negotiating for 'fairness'
• the risk: approaching a negotiation hoping the other side will be 'fair'
• the blind spot: 'fair' is subjective. If you lead with what you need or what is fair, you lose
• Position your request as a solution to their problem;

Ask for a budget adjustment because your increased output has saved the company $X amount

• In a broader social context, fairness takes the form of justice
• fairly balance the needs of the individual with the needs of the larger whole

• equality means treating everyone exactly the same
• only in the sense that they'rea ll equally part of the same whole
• at the basic level of equal human rights

• 只做必须之事， 也把必须之事做好
• 做的适宜，不做没有目标的事
• 知道自己要什么

• 围绕眼前的实践来提升认知
• 需要什么，再学习什么，不要脱离实际

• 愿意接受挑战
• Strong men know no one is coming, and start helping themselves
• “失意不要灰心，得意切莫忘形； 求人不如求己，做人要有骨气”
• accountable

• 商人玩的是 赚钱的游戏
• 尽可能避免零和游戏，因为它并不创造财富

• like the people who like you back or support you
• or loyal to you
• 看到他想要提高并让队友们变得更好
• tit-for-tat: <small>现代博弈论也证明了最优战略是“一报还一报”</small>

• your family is the most important thing in life
• invest as much quality time with them as possible

• skipped toxic people
• 负面的人
• never let anyone get too comfortable with disrespecting you
• deal with people how they deal with you, hardly, barely, and accordingly
• stop worrying about people who don't even care about you

• softskills
• 看到自己愿意的就主动争取和结交
• 不断的鼓励自己，挑战自己
• 输了我可以重来，没有第一我可以再抢第一
• 不管什么，我都可以站起来
• 在这个过程中变得自信

• lessons
• 有底线即可, 无必要追求风骨

• self
• 找到了一种平衡
• 渐渐更喜欢和别人一起，也更善于结识新朋友
• 也喜欢有一两个小时的独处时间

• 内省及由此而获得的自我认识
• 能想清楚自己为什么要做某件事情，是一种有普遍价值的生活技能
• 当你迷失或虚伪时，人们一眼就可以看出来；当你开放和自信时，人们会欣赏
• 不仅要奖励自己取得的成就，也要奖励自己付出的努力
• 必须告诉自己，我已经努力了， 我可以对自己感觉良好

• 要对自己是什么样的人感到舒服
• 并让别人看到你是怎么样的人；然后让他们决定是否要你成为他们的领导

• 心中宁静
• 需要积极理性的生活； 需要追逐 利益
• 只消凝神，立刻获得宁静
• inner silence and stillness - feel the calm, control, and power hidden within you
• 我不跟人比 但我跟自己相处很好所以我自信

• 人生的欲望
• 名利之心
• 避免无聊的唯一出路，是过一种审美的生活， 去创造一些美出来

• 世俗生活中，人际关系是 烦恼来源
• 无论爱情友情亲情， 投入不一致（深浅轻重多少），才造成痛苦困扰

自己的长处是什么 - 回馈分析法 feedback analysis

• build on the strengths : write down the outcome you expect and compare results

• 专注于自己的长处， 把自己放到那些能发挥长处的地方
• 加强自己的长处 -> 哪些需要改善自己的技能或学习新技能； 知识上的差距
• 努力学习新技能，汲取新知识
• 编程

• 发现任何偏见和无知，加以克服

• 纠正不良习惯 - 影响工作成效和工作表现的事情
• 内心戏太多
• 赖床 -> 晚起
• 没有以 _领导为核心_
• 规律化

• 缺乏礼貌
• 说“请”和“谢谢”， 记住别人的名字，或问候对方家人
• 多和周围熟悉的人打招呼

• 自己不能做什么 -> 尽量少把精力浪费在那些不能胜任的领域上

• 天性 - _性格，动机，价值观_

# 自己的工作方式是怎样的？ - how do I work? - 自己平时是怎样把事情做成的

• 读者型（习惯阅读信息） 还是 听者型（习惯听取信息）

# 自己如何学习

• 从实干中学习

• 从笔记中学习
• 从读来学习
• 从写来学习
• 从听来学习

• 对“解決问题”的向往
• 凡是有价值的思想，都是从“具体的问题”下手的
• 先研究问题的各方面事实，看看病在哪里； 再提出种种解决方法，然后加上想象力，推想一个假定的解决法

• 自我教育
• 贵族教育是非实用性的； 对于普通家庭出身的我，需要一技傍身，没那么多适错的机会
• 素质教育更重要的是心智的提升
• 差距最大的是 演讲能力和写作能力
• 走出家族的影响，不要被孝道文化所合理化
• 说的有没有道理很重要

• 开发思维框架，而不是工具和技术层面

# 自我管理

• 自省能力的优劣
• 不管对方的动机， 如果我认为不对，回归事件本身

• 乐观主义， 即使身处困境

• 单枪匹马
• 独当一面的能力

• 在怎样的关系下与他人共事
• partner （平等互利的关系下）
• 不怎么会做下属 却很想 follow 别人
• 追求独立（不愿意失去自尊），却能力不足以至于不得不听话

• 如何才能取得成果
• 决策者还是顾问？
• 决策者， 需要顾问来迫使他们思考

• 压力下表现出色， 还是按部就班，可预测的工作环境？

• 管理你的生活
• 定义对你而言什么是“有意义的”

• 管理 自己的 精疲力竭

• 心态管理
• 与其抱怨，不如正视
• 不自卑，不攀比，坚持最好的自我
• 和有视野有资源的同学做朋友
• 努力争取自己想要的东西，珍惜和感恩自己的所得
• 不忘初心，珍惜所有，用自己的资源多去提携他人，朋友和孩子

# 自己的价值观是什么 - what are my values?

• what kind of person do I want to see in the mirror?
• 每天早晨在镜子里想看到一个什么样的人？
• 做有价值的事情

• 把自己的思维放到 5 年，10 年后，想想自己需要什么样的生活

# 自己属于何处

• 知道自己的长处，工作方式和价值观

• “是的，我将做这件事。但是，我将按照我自己的特点，采取这样的方式来做这件事，进行这样的组织安排，这样来处理当中所牵涉的关系。这是我在这个时间范围内应该会取得的成果，因为这就是我。”

• you should work hard and always think about how you can do better and take on more responsibility.
• life is not only about work, it’s also about your relationships with your family and romantic partner, friendship, and self-interest.
• Life is everything and if you don’t balance well you won’t be happy.

我该做什么贡献

对人际关系负责

• 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作
• 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板

• 重要的是， 他们能否有所作为以及他们持有什么样的价值观

• 沟通责任
• 正在做这些工作的人必须确保懂得他们设法做的事什么，为什么要做这件事，如何去做以及期望什么结果
• 组织建立在信任的基础上； 信任意味着彼此了解

• 广结善缘
• 不要一次性的利益交换，基于长久积累的信任； 能多帮就多帮

• 走出自己的世界
• 把自己那个世界规则吃透，各种人都要认识
• 你走出自己的世界，是为了追寻多元的价值

• 对人不能冷血，对事不能温情
• 对人要有温情，对事要严厉

• 对人礼貌，要学会对人微笑和怎样对人说话

# 认知

• 富人思维
• 自主催化，闭环的能力 -> 独立的内生循环， 进而可以自己解放出来

# 管理后半生

• 发展第二职业

# 关注

• 关心政治和社会
• 关心 受难的人

The Minto Pyramid Principle

• TODO

• reference
• [The Minto Pyramid Principle](https://book.douban.com/subject/1460277/)

Friend & Foe

# ch1 - balance between feeling good about ourselves and feeling motivated to perform well

• find the right social comparison balance
• help us understand how well we are doing is by looking at others
• anticipate the possibility that our successes will upset others
• be modest is to share negative information
• use social comparison to boost your own motivation
• seek unfavorable comparisons if you wanna push yourself harder
• light a competitive fire, consider those who have accomplished a bit more than you have

• seek favorable comparisons if you wanna feel happier
• consider those who are less fortunate, volunteering for those less fortunate

# ch2 - to be confident but also deferential

• confident yet courteous (polite and showing respect)
• knowing you're worth and also be kind (humble and don't look down on others)

• combine power and perspective-taking
• power makes us more confident and optimistic; and helps us reach our destination faster
• need some mechanism for keeping our egos in check
• the ability to take another's perspective

• perspective-taking
• understand the other's wants and needs, what they are thinking
• consciously choosing to actively get inside the head of another person
• ask more critical "why" and "what" questions
• use facial and bodily mimicry to facilitate perspective-taking
• people like being mimicked; mimickers seem cooperative

• appreciate the needs of the others while we need to advance our own interests and concerns
• too much empathy making deep cooperation when they're likely to be exploited
• empathy (feeling the other person's emotions) is less effective in a negotiation than is perspective-taking

• figure out when perspective-taking helps us and when it hurts
• perspective-taking without any empathy is dangerous

• to be confident
• the feeling of power like a king, we are more likely to act like one
• your experience of your own power can matter as much how much power you actually have
• recalling an experience with power, taking on a powerful posture
• one primed with power displayed greater confidence, and thus viewed as more capable and competent
• power blinds us to the plight of others

• know you're worth

# ch3 - Hierarchy <- harness the benefits of hierarchy while mitigating its downsides

• Hierarchy can produce the coordination effectively to implement and produce the well-conceived decision
• managers set direction and facilitate collaboration
• Hierarchy offers needed structure in the face of chaos (threatening or little control)
• Hierarchy helps achieve the collaborative coordination by suppressing individual desires and synchronizing behavior
• Hierarchy helps people know who does what, when, and how; these rules promote efficient interactions by setting clear expectations for the behaviors of people of different ranks
• co-leadership is a bad idea; this creates uncertainty over who is really in charge;

the actions of two equally powerful people can be especially difficult to coordinate

• how much the group performance requires coordination between the members
• when in interdependent settings, more talent can lead to bad group performace
• when individuals perform largely independent tasks, it's better have enough talent

• how and when to fluctuate between more versus less hierarchy
• leaders need to create psychological safety to encourage broad participation; and a leader sets the vision and the course and integrates all the different perspectives to make the best decisions
• we need everyone's perspective in a complex and dynamic decision-making
• leaders and members need to communicate frequently and coordinate not only physically but also intellectually
• speak up and alert leaders to changing conditions and impending problems

• promote Psychological safety for the lower-status members
• team members feel encouraged to ask for clarification, to point out critical errors, and even to share new and challenging ideas
• leaders need access to the most complete and varied information; to ensure the perspectives and wisdom of the less powerful are brought to light

# ch6 - Trust <- balance between warmth and competence

• build warmth
• demonstrate concern for others + we trust warm people, because they care about us
• feel emotion on the inside, and express warmth effectively on the outside
• like "I'm sorry about the rain" shows concern and conveys warmth + nonverbal cues - like physical connection like handshakes, an embrace,

a pat on the shoulder, or even a light touch on an elbow

• a little vulnerability makes you seem approachable and warm in less time
• like "spilling their coffee" or "telling a bad joke"

• we trust competent people, because they are credible, effective, and efficient
• use the right terms and jargon to appear competent
• our deeds match our words -> hypocrite

• are you "like me" or not?
• trust those who are "in" our group
• introduce a common enemy

• asking for advice
• seeking advice and another's perspective can lead to long-term benefits

makes people feel committed to your success (an investment).

• we just flattered someone by seeking their advice if the request is not completely obvious
• asking for advice shows deference and respect
• follow up with everyone of your advice givers and let them know how much their insights have helped
• if you didn't take their advice, it was their insight that helped you think about your situation in a different light, and that their unique perspective turned out to be essential for your success

• self-promotion doesn't always work very well

# balance between trust and deception

• think carefully about what we do not want to believe
• establish a baseline (what constitutes "normal" behaviors), and start to ask pressing questions
• actively look for those clues we hope not to find

• think carefully about what we do not want to believe,

and what we want to believe, before we place our trust in others

• Trust but verify

• deception
• intentionally misleads a target

• balance between telling the truth and being kind
• how important is it to boost a person's self-esteem
• how useful is the feedback for their long-term success ?

# ch10 - explore the mechanics of when and how to begin a competition

• know the nature of the competition
• if names are listed sequentially, like voting, be listed first
• if it is a serial competition with more than a few candidates (like an interview process), go later and preferably last
• if it is a yes/no decision, know the default. if the default is unfavorable to you, go first. If the default is favorable, go last

• a well-informed negotiator does better by going first
• take the time to gain more information - the item/industry, your opponent's preferences
• making the first offer anchors the negotiation in our favor

Strategic study and thinking

# classify the problems

• define the problem
• how to best formulate a problem
• try to be more specific if the problem concerns how a goal or target
• whether the problem so-defined is real or not

• classify the problem
• empirical questions -> concern empirical facts, particular events or causal processes in the world
• need observations or experiments or the help of experts in the field
• the prior beliefs should be evaluated according to empirical data

• conceptual questions
• conceptual analysis and reasoning is enough to answer
• without engaging in experiments or observations

• evaluative questions - value judgments
• distinction between intrinsic and instrumental values
• consider the consequences of the action, or the motives behind the action
• once knowing the empirical facts, then we can apply the correct moral standards to judge whether the action is good or bad

# solve problems

• understand the problem
• is the problem well-defined? can the problem be analysed into smaller sub-problems?
• what type of problem is it?
• what information can we gather about the problem?
• have other people solve this problem before? what lessons might their experiences offer?
• what are the constraints (time, money, resources,etc) in solving the problem?

• draw up a plan
• carry out necessary preparations, like research, coordination
• determine the time and resources needed
• write down the plan in a systematic manner

• try out the plan
• monitor progress to make sure that things go according to plan
• record errors or special considerations for furutre review

• monitor the outcome of the plan
• review past experiences and understand why we succeed or fail
• monitor our own performance review the whole exercise in order that

we can do even better in the future

• understand complex systems and processes
• decomposition
• identify the functions of different components,

and see how they interact with each other

• understand the function and behavior of a object in terms

of its components and their interaction

# making good decisions

• focus on the process of making a decision
• emotions are crucial in helping us come to a decision
• need to listen to our feelings because we often have to live with the decisions that we have made
• some of our deep-deated emotional reactions might come from

those aspects of our personality that we are not able to change

• the heart has its reasons which reason does not know

• use a pros and cons list
• good reasons or good consequences

• spend more time thinking carefully about a difficult and important decision

# reference

• [Strategic study techniques](https://help.open.ac.uk/strategic-study-techniques)

creative thinking

# The idea of innovation

• “It’s better to solve the right problem approximately than to solve the wrong problem exactly” - John Turkey

# reference

• [Creativity](https://philosophy.hku.hk/think/creativity/)

critical thinking - 思辨能力

• think clearly and rationally

# Why

• 拒绝不恰当的想法，以更加接近真理与真相
• 尽可能求得最理性，客观的判断
• 帮助我们建立 严谨而扎实的推理结构，更容易令他人理解与认同
• 高级的 思辨能力是公正无私的
• 试图评论一切推理的真正优点与缺失， 无论出于自己或他人
• 不会控制他人或逃避真相，而是 用有道德，负责的态度思考问题
• 愿意聆听自己未必赞同的论点，如有更正确的推理，也愿意改变自己的观点或立场

# What - think clearly and rationally about what to do or what to believe

• ask questions and to keep asking them until you are satisfied with the answer
• inquiry to determine the nature of the problem before proceeding to attempts at its solution

• self-evalution
• evalute the pros and cons of your decisions?

• break down a complex problem into parts ?

• do you have reasons for your confidence?
• do you have a way to evaluate your own thinking?

• do u take other people's experiences into account?

think clearly

• why
• pursuit of knowledge
• know ourselves a little better, dispel prejudices
• communicate more richly and persuasively

• stage 1 - why you believe something to be true or important

• stage 2 - the assumptions this reasoning relies upon

• stage 3 - what you do and don't know, where you're uncertain

• info
• [How to think clearly](https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-think-clearly-to-improve-understanding-and-communication)

自己的长处是什么 - 回馈分析法 feedback analysis

• build on the strengths : write down the outcome you expect and compare results

• 专注于自己的长处， 把自己放到那些能发挥长处的地方
• 加强自己的长处 -> 哪些需要改善自己的技能或学习新技能； 知识上的差距
• 努力学习新技能，汲取新知识

• 编程

• 发现任何偏见和无知，加以克服

• 纠正不良习惯 - 影响工作成效和工作表现的事情
• 内心戏太多
• 赖床 -> 晚起
• 没有以 _领导为核心_
• 规律化

• 缺乏礼貌
• 说“请”和“谢谢”， 记住别人的名字，或问候对方家人
• 多和周围熟悉的人打招呼

• 自己不能做什么 -> 尽量少把精力浪费在那些不能胜任的领域上

• 天性 - _性格，动机，价值观_

自己的工作方式是怎样的？ - how do I work? - 自己平时是怎样把事情做成的

• 读者型（习惯阅读信息） 还是 听者型（习惯听取信息）

自己如何学习

• 从实干中学习

• 从笔记中学习
• 从读来学习
• 从写来学习
• 从听来学习

• 对“解決问题”的向往
• 凡是有价值的思想，都是从“具体的问题”下手的
• 先研究问题的各方面事实，看看病在哪里； 再提出种种解决方法，然后加上想象力，推想一个假定的解决法

• 自我教育
• 贵族教育是非实用性的； 对于普通家庭出身的我，需要一技傍身，没那么多适错的机会
• 素质教育更重要的是心智的提升
• 差距最大的是 演讲能力和写作能力
• 走出家族的影响，不要被孝道文化所合理化
• 说的有没有道理很重要

• 开发思维框架，而不是工具和技术层面

# 自我管理

• 自省能力的优劣
• 不管对方的动机， 如果我认为不对，回归事件本身

• 乐观主义， 即使身处困境

• 单枪匹马
• 独当一面的能力

• 在怎样的关系下与他人共事
• partner （平等互利的关系下）
• 不怎么会做下属 却很想 follow 别人
• 追求独立（不愿意失去自尊），却能力不足以至于不得不听话

• 如何才能取得成果
• 决策者还是顾问？
• 决策者， 需要顾问来迫使他们思考

• 压力下表现出色， 还是按部就班，可预测的工作环境？

• 管理你的生活
• 定义对你而言什么是“有意义的”

• 管理 自己的 精疲力竭

• 心态管理
• 与其抱怨，不如正视
• 不自卑，不攀比，坚持最好的自我
• 和有视野有资源的同学做朋友
• 努力争取自己想要的东西，珍惜和感恩自己的所得
• 不忘初心，珍惜所有，用自己的资源多去提携他人，朋友和孩子

自己的价值观是什么 - what are my values?

• what kind of person do I want to see in the mirror?
• 每天早晨在镜子里想看到一个什么样的人？
• 做有价值的事情

• 把自己的思维放到 5 年，10 年后，想想自己需要什么样的生活

自己属于何处

• 知道自己的长处，工作方式和价值观

• “是的，我将做这件事。但是，我将按照我自己的特点，采取这样的方式来做这件事，进行这样的组织安排，这样来处理当中所牵涉的关系。这是我在这个时间范围内应该会取得的成果，因为这就是我。”

• you should work hard and always think about how you can do better and take on more responsibility
• Also, life is not only about work, it’s also about your relationships with your family and romantic partner, friendship, and self-interest. Life is everything and if you don’t balance well you won’t be happy.

我该做什么贡献

对人际关系负责

• 老板有权以自己最得心应手的方式来工作
• 与他们共事的人有责任观察他们，了解他们的工作方式，适应老板

• 重要的是， 他们能否有所作为以及他们持有什么样的价值观

• 沟通责任
• 正在做这些工作的人必须确保懂得他们设法做的事什么，为什么要做这件事，如何去做以及期望什么结果
• 组织建立在信任的基础上； 信任意味着彼此了解

• 广结善缘
• 不要一次性的利益交换，基于长久积累的信任； 能多帮就多帮

• 走出自己的世界
• 把自己那个世界规则吃透，各种人都要认识
• 你走出自己的世界，是为了追寻多元的价值

• 对人不能冷血，对事不能温情
• 对人要有温情，对事要严厉

• 对人礼貌，要学会对人微笑和怎样对人说话

认知

• 富人思维
• 自主催化，闭环的能力 -> 独立的内生循环， 进而可以自己解放出来

管理后半生

• 发展第二职业

关注

• 关心政治和社会
• 关心 受难的人

reference

• [Artist of Life](https://book.douban.com/subject/5401208/) by Bruce Lee
• [Strategic thinking](https://philosophy.hku.hk/think/strategy/)
• [critical thinking](https://philosophy.hku.hk/think/critical/ct.php)
• [Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy](https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/critical-thinking/)
• [科学的争议与骗局](http://jiangcaijian.blog.caixin.com/archives/152564)
• [五月谈谈科学启蒙](http://jiangcaijian.blog.caixin.com/archives/162965)
• [李培根：批判性思维到底和我们有什么关系？](http://zhishifenzi.blog.caixin.com/archives/171547)
• [How to Solve It](https://book.douban.com/subject/1456890/) by G. Polya