How to improve your softskills

向上管理 - 管理你的上司, 讓他變成你個人成功的資源

• 真诚 是唯一方法
• 如何帮助我的主管更成功?

# 了解主管的管理风格, 并顺势调整你的行为

向下管理

# Team-work

• Motivation - why do we join groups in the first place?

• Goal

• individual goals and the overall goal of the team
• look at motivation
• Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

• Personal communication style

• Verbal
• Nonverbal
• Listening

• the factor of roles

• task roles

• Information provider - present new dieas, topics
• information Seeker - ask for more information, organize data
• Gatekeeper
• make every team member understand its role and input the best they have as much as help them feel valuable
• keep the conversations from being one-sided and ensure equal distribution of responsibilities and contributions

• maintenance roles

• supporter
• keep the team encouraged
• keep members participating and sharing valuable input
• make a group fun and relaxed
• harmonizer

• help manage the group conflict and disagreement

• Interpreter
• have people like these who understand intercultural differences
• ensure everyone is understood
• recorder

• negative roles
• Monopolizer
• make excessive verbal contributions, preventing equal participation by other group members
• Withdrawer
• participates only when strongly encouraged or forced to

• Norms

• the Unwritten rules of communication
• developed over time
• around time and language

• Leadership

• autocratic leader
• democratic leader

• people are engaged and participative in diff ways

• Laissez-faire leader

• do not control or really participate in the group at all
• might just come to the table and charge the group with a task and be on their way

• check back periodically to check up on things

• ascertain the level of readiness or maturity of the group

• is it highly mature group or is it the continuum?
• two factor: ability and willingness
• ability - do they have the knowledge and skill set to do so?
• willingness - are they motivated to do it?

• four leadership styles

• delegating

• more or less the laissez-faire style
• when needs to charge the group and let the group get to work

• participating

• help a group along
• coach them how to do things
• coach - if we have a group that's willing to do something but not able
• train them on how to do it and let them do it

• Selling

• just in inspiring them to use their talents
• able to do things but really not willing

• telling
• much more of the autocratic leadership style

• Team decision making

• majority voting
• third party
• listen to pros and cons, and decide for the group
• Consensus decision making

• Conflict
• separate the problem from the people
• search for common purpose

High Performance Collaboration

# Leadership

• Growth Mindset

• the could learn and respond in the face of challenge
• are more resilient

• know how to fail is a key leadship skill

• leadership style

• Theory X

• 交换

• Theory Y + based on people want to contribute and self-motivated to perform good + inspire people to excel not by administering rewards or publishement, but

by empowering others and giving them authority

• create a gift culture through contributing to the enterprise

• task-focused leaders

• focus on getting work done
• meeting performance objectives
• being productive

• person-focused leaders

• care about people
• care about their welfare
• seek to build trusting relationship

• Situational Leadership Model

• from delegating, supporting, coaching, directing based on task and relationship bechavor

• Summary
• your leadership style and recognize styles in others
• know your strengths and weaknesses
• which style would be most useful for the goals of your organization?
• what can u do to begin to develop this style?
• who can be part of your support system in your leader ship development?
• each of us is a work in progress, and we are never complete.

• Motivation, Emotion, and Cognition

• a lot of benefits of being engaged and in lvoe with work

• two types of Motivation

• Intrinsic motivation is driven by internal rewards with a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, or making the world a better place
• like they could improve their health, and contribute to the community
• Extrinsic Motivation is driven by the promise of extrinsic rewards like money, resources, or material gain

• like they could save money or gain a good public image

• affirm intrinsic motivation can lead to greater insight, and better performance

• The How of Happiness

• 40% intentional activity like helping others, adopting a positive attitude, exercise, striving for goals
• perform better at work
• better social

• Decision Making
• Most decision-makers are risk-averse when it comes to good things like making money, saving lives
• But risk-seeing when it comes to negative things
• Confirmation Bias
• people seek info that confirms what they wanna believe
• Decision Fatigue
• the act of making decisions produces fatigue
• they want to be mentally fresh

• four steps to make decision
• Build in tests of disconfirmatin
• what would prove you wrong?

• Reward team members for providing controversial data
• Establish policies in advance of obtaining outcome
• Bring in outsiders, but don't tell them your preferred course of action

• People Skills

• Emotional Intelligence
• how to work with other people and and how to manage yourself
• Self-Awareness
• understanding ourselves and seeing ourselves as others see us
• know the emotions and the factors that lead to the emotions and how they are perceived by others
• 360-degree evaluation

• other-Awareness - empathy
• Self-Management

• how to appropriately regulate our emotions, particuly negative ones
• how to deal with frustration, anger before it becomes an ill-fated

• Relationship Management

• Increase your own Organizational Intelligence
• who are your trusted advisors?
• Are u nurturing those relationships?
• How can u act as a bridge between people and groups that should be connected?

• Cultural Intelligence
• face cultures - like china
• derive their self worth from earning the respect of others
• Dignity Cultures - like american
• strong speaking their mind and being self-reliant
• their own self worth is self determined they are comfortable in direct, rational, fact-based conversation
• status and titles are not nearly as important as information and talent
• Honor cultures - middle East, south Asia, latin America
• socially claimed, express emotion

# Build your Teamwork - how to design and lead high performance teams

• goal-setting

• tactical teams - like basketball team, the flight crew

• need clarity
• training togeter

• problem-solving team - Trust is the key

• benevolence-based trust: I trust your intentions
• competency-based trust: I trust your expertise

• creative teamwork

• need autonomy

• notes
• know the goal of your team
• set the stage for optimal performance

• Size and Diversity

• Size

• Teams should be between five and nine members
• choose the fewest number of people possible to accomplish the task

• Diversity

• most people choose members based upon personality, not expertise
• the ideal type of diversity is deep level Diversity based on expertise, training ,thinking styles
• Faultline: or you will separate teams into distinct subgroups based on sttributes, such as race, gender, functional area, etc.
• create energy and excitement around the task
• when conflict emerges, build trust

• notes:
• assemble the fewest number of people possible
• what skills and expertise does each person uniquely bring tothe team?
• avoid homogeneity
• check for faultline
• Diverse teams do have potential for more conflict
• need some conflict management skills

• Roles and Rules

• Leader and Team Responsibility

• Manager-led team
• Self-managing teams
• not only executes the task, but also in charge of monitoring and managing their own performance
• like "we had a meeting, and we will deliver the final report in eight weeks, and we will update you every fortnight. And we're having our ownmeetings on Thursdays to which you're not invited."

• Self-directing team

• do self-managing teams do
• also, they select, recruit, and staff the team
• they have border control
• like "the team announces that they've added gREG AND lISA TO THE TEAM."

• Self-governing teams

• do self-directing teams do
• they have some influence over the larger organization
• like "they may shape strategic direction and new initiatives"

• Rules of engagement

• norms are set within microseconds of team's first meeting
• be proactive
• have clear rules of engagement

• Team Design

• your experience level as compared to that of your team
• the organizational culture
• how over-committed you are
• risk: if you are not transparent about your relationship with the team,

the risk you task is that people will feel over-managed or under-led.

• notes

• it's never too late to develop a team charter
• Treat the charter like a live document
• living document written by all team members
• including goals, responsibilities, norms
• what's working?
• what's not working ?
• what should be added

• What kind of a relationship do u want with your team?

# Team Decision Making

• Evidence-Based Management

• Teams should make decisions like scientists
• notes:
• use debate norms not politeness norms
• leave status and titles at the door
• conduct private votes on sensitive, important issues
• invite different perspectives
• hold multiple, short meetings not one long meeting
• create an environment where teams and their leaders don't fear failture

• Optimizing Conflict

• relationship conflict

• personality-based conflict
• negatively affect group performance

• task conflict

• disagreements about the work to be done, not attacks on the people
• may help group performance

• address relationship conflict

• team re-design

• examine the structure of the team
• what is the environment like?
• are the work tasks equitably distributed?
• how many people are on the team?
• who did they report to?

• team coaching
• teaching conflict skills
• personal coaching

• Virtual Teams

• traditional

• virtual
• hybrid
• notes:
• casual conversation before business
• don't use e-mail if you can pick up the phone
• only good news is delivered via email
• anything sensitive, complex, or negative is done face to face or by phone
• put away the technology when meeting face to face

• Team Creativity

• creativity is production of novel and useful ideas
• ideas
• Innovation is production of actual ideas in the forms of products and services

• implementation

• notes
• allow the team to generate a high volume of ideas ang set aside judgement
• individuals are more creative than teams
• strive for quantity, not quality

# Negotiation

• Preparation and Leverage

• develop your BATNA - Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement

• plan B - reservation price
• The stronger your BATNA, the more leverage you have in the negotiation
• the BATNA tell you when to talk, not when to sign

• You always have a BATNA
• Always improve your BATNA
• Never reveal your BATNA to the counter-party
• If you do, you give up all your leverage
• Signal to the other party that you have "attractive options"

• Once you determine your BATNA, then devise your reservation price
• the lowest amount you can agree to or hightest one you can pay inside a negotiation

• Target Points and Anchoring

• set a target point - do as much research as I can

• your interests -> what is really important to you
• market conditions -> research better data than the counter-party
• information about the counter-party's BATNA
• gain leverage
• then you positioned yourself to reach your goal
• cordial, engaged, and direct

• estimate the ZOPA - zone of possible agreement

• Bargaining Zone

• open first only if you are prepared

• the person who make the first offer has a strategic advantage
• first offers act as anchors

• Immediately re-anchor if the other party opens first
• Plan your opeing offer and carry it out
• Never ask is this negotiable; always negotiate

• The Art of concession
• make large number of small concessions
• Avoid unilateral concessions
• Be precise
• You have far more leverage with your offers if you provide a rationale

• Win-Win Negotiation

• Win-Win Negotiation

• if you never share our interests, we cannot reach win-win outcomes
• split the negotiation into several parts
• prioritize your interests
• reveal your interests
• ask questions about the other party's priorities

• what is more valuable to you - X or Y?
• what is your rank ordering of the issues?
• Would you rather I made a concession on issue Z or issue W?
• If I gave what you wanted on Z could you give me ehat I need on Y.

• devise multi-issue proposals that logroll parties' interests.
• value-added
• tradeoff

• Creating Value

• Bet between parties who have diff beliefs that can be tested with time and data

• check your over-confidence: like you have better data
• make sure the incentives are aligned
• be clear about what data will be used
• make sure you can pay the bet if you lose

• make multi-issue proposals

• Do not reveal the monetary value of the proposals
• explain you are indifferent among the proposals
• if they reject, ask to rank order in terms of acceptability
• set aside questions of accept and reject
• you can discren their interests

• Once you reach agreement, Post-deal conversation

• after negotiators reach a deal, this is a commitment unless both parties are willing to change .
• explain to the counter-party that the process is mutual value creation

• need trust to have post-deal
• consider your opportunity costs

• Notice
• refuse to share any information severely reduces win-win potential

• Disputes and Conflict Escalation

• Interests, Rights and Power

• Power moves are essentially threats
• Rights strategy
• like fair standards, legal precedent, customer service, maket conditins, past practice, the policy ...
• Interests strategy
• understand the needs and interests of the other party
• separate the people from the problem

• how to change Rights and Power into Interests

• Ask "why" and "why not" questions
• don't focus on a single option

• Attempt to generate multiple options or courses of action

• reward the use of interest by the other party

• redirect rights and power-based negotiators back to interest

• Don't reciprocate
• Don't get personal attach - not you ...
• "I'm frustrated now because this is a really important matter for me"
• Send a mixed-message

• like mixed power+interest or right-interest

• meet face to face

• Conditions under which using rights or power is warranted

• when the other party will not come to the table
• when you have exhausted all of your options on interest
• "look, I'm running out of optimism here. My goal is to settle this but I fear that I mgiht need to seek legal council. Do u have any ideas?"
• when the other party is not taking you seriously

• Be clear about what actions are needed
• help parties "save face"
• the whole idea is to de-escalate conflict

• Reputation
• Manage our reputation in negotiation
• See unbiased feedback
• need to be proactive
• "ask questions, ask for evidence, suggest contingencies when the information you need is not available"

职场心法 - 面试 - 面试是有效沟通，通过沟通展示自己的价值

• 准备 - 一开始给面试官留下好印象 - 不同情况的预案

• 通过一些渠道事先了解面试官
• 给予面试官足够的尊重
• 谦虚，自信而落落大方
• 面试的一个重要目的是找到可以一同工作的人
• 复述问题以及理解提问的意图
• 考察哪方面的知识或能力
• 主动寻求帮助， 比如询问是否给一些提示
• “今天交通有点堵，好在我留足了时间，能到贵公司面试很兴奋”
• 介绍一两处自己身上最能吸引对方的特点，而且是简历中没有传递的信息
• 考察对公司有多了解 - 先肯定再做一些铺垫 - ”产品和服务已经很好了； 有一些想法不知道是否靠谱或者你们已经考虑过了，不过我还是讲出来“
• 展现自己能够胜任工作， 还需要展现自己的风采
• 让人觉得可以给单位带来价值，有助于单位的发展，同时让周围的人感到愉悦
• 互补性
• 未来的价值 - 自己的一技之长 + 快速学习的人

• 薪资

• 重点放在提高职级上
• “根据现在市场的行情， 我这种经验的人可以拿到 ...”

• 公司的选择

• 对员工好, 对顾客好, 对投资人好
• 以一方面做得很好, 另外两方面做得不太差, 就很不错了

• 个人在职场 - 根据我们的特长保住一头
• 对领导负责
• 如果领导倒台, 最好识趣主动换一个地方, 因为难免得罪人
• 对公司负责
• 只要干得好, 领导也认
• 对周围同事和下属负责

职场心法 - 有效沟通

• 好消息要当面通知对方，至少要用电话通知对方；或者发邮件，约当面聊一个好消息，而不是直接通过邮件告诉对方好消息是什么
• 奖金一定要当面交到他们手里
• 如果有好消息，约上司当面汇报，不要在邮件中透露太多细节
• 坏消息

• 不是很重要，邮件通知即可

• 主观的事情尽可能面对面沟通，客观的事情可以用邮件
• 主观看法，最好不要给对方留底
• 说服别人的事情，都属于主观沟通
• 谈完合作，用邮件让对方确认我们谈过的内容
• 涉及法律问题的事情（比如专利）， 或者讲竞争对手坏话的言论
• 包括告同事状，向领导诉说委屈， 不能有文字记录

职场心法 - 提防腐蚀者和小人 - 避免成为牺牲品

• 腐蚀者

• 作用利大于弊, 是一种督促, 让我们变得更好
• 人数比较多的单位 往往存在腐蚀者

• 避免

• 识别和防范小人

• 小人只会利用你的一个或几个弱点, 让你获得一些局部利益,但 损害你长期的,根本的最大利益
• 善良的人会从你的最大利益出发, 对你好
• 判断不清楚对方对自己好的目的, 也看不到自己所作所为的后果
• 小人在对我们好的时候, 根本没有考虑我们的最大利益, 只想赚他们自己的利益
• 不仅要看他对我们怎么样, 还要看他对周围的人怎么样

• 看那些来巴结的人, 平时是如何跟其他人相处的
• 一个人如果失势, 小人通常不会搭理的

• 看一个人周围都是些什么人, 就能从侧面了解这个人

• 戒贪
• 不要贪小便宜 - 什么事情该怎么做就怎么做
• 不要把过分亲的关系当回事
• 不要把人想的太好
• 就事论事, 对事不对人
• 目标是把事情做好 - 只要对方在这件事情上信守承诺 就 ok

和上司打交道

• 更好的沟通

• 在不得罪人的情况下， 能做出成绩，很快会遇到同盟进而受人尊重和喜欢
• 别过分在意别人怎么看你，想想该怎么去实现你的目标
• 讲话和做事特别的直来直去，私下则非常轻松愉快，还会常常组织大家出去 Happy Hour
• 坚定地告诉别人， 我要做什么什么了，如果有反对意见请提出来
• 坚定，包括肯定且确切地表达正面或负面的意见
• 对做事情要有 Ownership
• 不要潜意识地撇清和推诿责任

• 和做此决定的大老板做一次平心静气的谈话
• 了解一下大老板对你的职业安排，并了解 TA 在做此决定时对你的有待提高的部分的分析，以便你有的放矢地去改进。
• 同时，阐明你明白短期之内同一部门你升职的机会有限，咨询大老板分管的其他部门有没有合适的升迁或者平移的机会。毕竟，有一种可能性，新提拔的老板可能也希望你找到别的机会，减少尴尬。

leadships

• 是失败了又爬起来的例子
• 所谓 “领军人物”，并不全是本身做得最好的人，而是最自信的，最不怕失败的，最愿意帮助别人，并从帮助激励别人当中进一步培养自己的自信，创造奇迹的人

分享利益, 独立决定

• 分享利益, 独立决定

• 负责人 先征求上下左右一些人(相关人)的意见, 拿出一个方案
• 主要看有无遗漏,有无质疑的声音
• 如有质疑, 评估一下是否有道理; 然后负责人自己就把这件事情决定了
• 做决策并不想一次性解决所有问题, 而是追求在原有基础上取得进步, 有瑕疵也没关系
• 独立决断背后是每一个人本身的责任

• skills

• 不问做错事是否有理由, 而是确定当前是否做错事
• 如果错了, 该怎么解决就怎么解决
• 是否其他人造成这个人做错, 是另外一件事

• 互相帮助,互相提携

• 把帮忙者都作为参与者

• 追求共好
• 支持彼此的工作，肯定彼此的努力，不受困于个人的恩怨好恶
• 分享利益, 决策自己做就好了

Updating

• Be a grat communicator

• Imparting information

• know your audience
• think about the concerns of the audience, and the right level of detail and granularity for your message
• less is more
• not everyone love details
• More is also better - but when it comes to frequency
• providing infor and keeping people up to date and providing insight into your work to improve your visibility and career

• Verbal communication

• preparation is the key to success
• know your audience
• who are they, and what do they wanna know?
• what are their problems or concerns?
• communicate at the right level
• is your audience knowledgeable on your topic?
• do u need present backgournd or cut to the chase?
• understand the context
• what else is happening in the word/industry on the same topic ?
• how can u differentiate and add value ?
• make sure you know happenings so yo ucan speak intelligently about it
• practice
• practice for any talk or presentation

• written communication
• put the important part first

• being a great teammate

• generally happy, positive people
• being positve and looking at each day and project as an opportunity
• bring solutions, not just problems
• "what he would do to address his concern"
• come up with some potential solutions
• give credit to others, and always take responsibility
• people want to be liked, admired and feel valued
• have a good attitude
• reassure yourself

• have a good relationship with your boss

• the clues in the submitter’s style and communications behaviour instead - indications that the person has been in their shoes

• The right attitude is helpful, respectful of the maintainer’s time, quietly confident but unassuming

• on time
• know your manager's communication style and methods

• ask his preferred way of communication and delivery of requirements

• your job is to make your manager look good

• help your boss do her job - see yourself as a complement
• avoid falling into the trap of not fitting the job description

• do more than expected (new and better ways)

• ask for feedback

• schedule to inform him about what I have been working on
• communicate often, be respectful, ask questionss

• let your manager (and teammates) know what you have completed
• make sure the work you are doing aligns with the priorities of the team/project/company

• add with new status communications - either in your 1:1s or in email
• like Is there anything else more important that I should consider doing?"
• "Are these the right set of priorities?"

• Solicit regular feedback
• listen intently and be gracious
• like "Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your view of the situation. I am going to reflect on this for now, but may want to discuss details later on "
• ask good questions
• "do u have an feedback for me"
• "How could I have made this more useful/better"

• 持续强化自己的各项智识与技能

• 开会时练习表达自己的意见入手， 开会时有实质准备及热忱参与，至少表达一次意见或提出一个问题

• 多数决策者所追求的是“相对妥适”的结果； 而组织里不同层级的人，其责任是在主管最终决策拍板前，提供不同视角的意见与方案，以降低决策风险，同时极大化决策的价值

• 专注手上的工作，认真工作，仔细办事

• “做事”－完善细节，做好本分

• 很认真，努力完成每件事，为自己打气，持续面对挑战而不气馁

• 善于沟通
• 表达方式， 能让听着易于理解； 善于倾听，能理解别人语句背后的意涵
• 在汇报时，能有系统地说明报告内容，并提出具体可行的方案
• 心绪智能 － 维持稳定且优异的工作状态
• 如何被广泛信任

• 应该让别人了解你； 对团队外的人，通过责任和博知建立信任；
• 不要不懂装懂

• 交流

• 与非工程师交流时，应该时刻去理解观众；
• 花一点时间询问你是否在有效地交流，以及你可以怎样把它做得更好； 如果有问题，寻找方法去提高你自己的实践
• 向别人指出一个问题的最好方法是同时提供一个解决方案,其次是呼吁他们寻求帮助
• 与 boss 聊一聊，需要做什么才能获得

• 好的人际关系

• 礼貌，见面也是微笑
• 做一个“主动型“的帮助别人的人，主动关心人，关注别人的需要； 从行动上的实质性回报； 比如 举手之劳，照顾到别人的小需要。
• “辨别说谎的，对付耍混的，用魅力征服其他人”
• 主动帮别人，然后看看谁对你最好，然后你再对她好，良好互动

“XXX, I know it might be a difficult day for you, and I really wanna do something for you if it helps. You have always been very very kind to me, like you are the first person to talk to me when I first came here.

I was always an introvert, and on top of that, I was raised to be very reserved. So maybe I appear to be not compassionate enough. But deep down inside, I am really grateful for what you did, and I am really eager to do something for you in return. Please do let me know if there is anything I can do for you. "

• 多核对和澄清，不要话中带话
• “Let me make sure I heard you right. What you mean is ..."
• "Let me put it another way"
• "Did I make myself clear?"

reference

• [向上管理, 向下管理]
• [High Performance Collaboration: Leadership, Teamwork, and Negotiation](https://www.coursera.org/learn/leadership-collaboration/home/week/3)
• [Successful Negotiation: Essential Strategies and Skills](https://www.coursera.org/learn/negotiation-skills#syllabus)
• [好的人际关系](http://www.weibo.com/ttwenda/p/show?id=2310684096786611478970#_0)
• [6 个技巧帮你快速听出“画外音”](http://likaifu.blog.caixin.com/archives/171679)